Human Grief after losing a pet
Everyone that loses a pet, experiences some degree of grief at their death.
How that grief is expressed will depend upon personality, upbringing, life experiences and numerous other factors. For many, a good cry is a sufficient expression of the loss of a companion that gave lots of pleasure, but others may find it much harder to come to terms with their loss. As grief is a very personal thing it is extremely hard to predict exactly how each person will react.
There are several recognised stages of grief that you may experience at the loss of a loved one, even if that loved one is a cat, a dog or any other pet animal.
- You may feel an initial sense of shock and denial when you first realise that your pet is dead. You may experience a distinct inability to concentrate your mind on the concept of death and the fact that you will never see her or him again. The sense of denial can be so strong for some owners that they may not make the appropriate arrangements that need to be made when a pet dies.
- After this stage of numbness and denial may come an angry phase. This is a period when you may feel tremendous guilt and wonder whether your pet’s death happened through some omission or negligence on your part. “Could I have done more?” or “Should I have spotted the signs sooner?” or “Did I allow her or him to suffer for too long?” are some of the common thoughts that plague the bereaved.
- After this period some people experience depression and an inability to believe that they can ever feel truly happy again.
There is no set way to grieve – although stages of grief have been recognised and described, not every individual experiences each phase or passes through them in any particular order. As grief is such a personal thing it is difficult to generalise about how it will feel when it happens.
Expression of Grief
The manifestation of grief will differ from person to person and any number of physical, emotional, intellectual and social symptoms can be experienced as part of a perfectly normal but painful journey to recovery.
Physical signs may include crying, shortness of breath, tight chest, nausea, loss of or increased appetite, tiredness, dizziness, inability to sleep or disturbed sleep, and general aches and pains.
The emotions experienced range from sadness, guilt and irritability to loneliness, helplessness and even relief, particularly if the pet had suffered at the end. You may experience confusion or an inability to concentrate, or even think you hear the cry of your deceased pet at night.
You may need to talk about or rationale the loss and become preoccupied with death and the concept of an after-life. All of these symptoms may feel alarming but are well documented and are part of the process for some.
How to help your children cope with losing their pet
Children may also have difficulty coming to terms with euthanasia. This may be a child’s first experience of death and it is important to be honest with them.
Tell them the truth and encourage them to talk about their feelings and share your feelings with them. Talk openly about your pet and try to concentrate on the good times.
If you have your pet’s ashes, it can be helpful to go through the ritual with the children and let them be involved in marking a grave or writing a message to the pet to be kept in a book with pictures of their pet.
A new pet may help, but it is often better not to get another one too soon as you and your child will need time to get over the death of the old pet.
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Complicated Grief
There are many complicating factors that can exaggerate or prolong grief, for example, you may not have experienced a death previously or received insensitive comments from others who have trivialised the loss.
Whatever happens, the advice is to accept that grief is inevitable and to succumb to it. Problems can occur when you don’t allow these feelings to express themselves fully.
A common consequence of all these mixed feelings is withdrawal from contact with others, even family and friends, and a rejection of help when it’s offered.
However, it is often with support and encouragement from friends and family that people eventually accept their loss and feel ready to get on with the rest of their lives.
Help and Support
Our veterinarians and nurses are here for you to help and support you through difficult times. We will answer all your questions and ensure you are supported every step of the way; before, during and after.
Many bereaved owners are not fortunate enough to have supportive people around them and find themselves in a position of having to cope with their grief in complete isolation. This is an incredibly difficult task for anyone, no matter how strong, so reaching out for a helping hand at this difficult time would be entirely appropriate.
It is important to look after yourself at this difficult time but accept the need to mourn.
When the time is right, that could be weeks, months or years, you may consider sharing your life with another pet, seeing this not as a betrayal but as the ultimate compliment to the memory of the departed.